(see part 1 here)

Batman v Superman: Damn of Justice (2016)$873M Box Office27% on Rotten Tomatoes

102597285-Batman-vs-Superman.1910x1000.jpeg

This. Movie. Is… bearable.  If you were able to see the extended THREE HOUR LONG edition, there are some plot points and issues cleaned up, but it does not begin to explain the general mind f*ck that is this film.  This film shamelessly plays catch up to the Marvel universe without the execution necessary to make that acceptable.  You give us an already established Batman (good), but still find the need to murder his parents on screen…

13006a9aeb12ece4408a79bf7d0e4db910eb727498a14eeb8514ac9194df222a
..because we’ve only seen it 1 million times at this point…

Batman illogically chases Superman down like a dog without using logic.  Superman returns the favor by coming off as menacing and threatening. Lex Luthor is last second changed to Lex Luthor Jr after early reviews hate what you allowed Jesse Eisenburg to do to the character.  You show us one, then give us the other.

The Justice League cameos are terrible.  They are forced upon fans like a drunken kiss 10min into a Netflix and Chill session.  When and why that happen make no sense with the plot of the movie you are currently showing me!

doomsday-batman-v-superman.png

I… I dont even… ugh… #NotMyDoomsday

But perhaps the most egregious flaw in the film is the “big twist”.  Superman and Batman ultimately team up because both their mommies’ names are MARTHA!  It’s honestly not something I ever really thought about and I feel there is some merit somewhere deep in there.  Some sort of cool connection may have been able to be made.  But for you to tell me that Superman, with his dying plea, yells out that they are going to kill MARTHA (not my mother, my mommy, my momma…) triggers Batman into an empathetic cease fire is preposterous.

26c959a34577d550d593c129931669058f344561e586de0adc9cb1f13278971b_1.jpg

Blah blah… they team up, save the day, mostly, the end.  Fan-f’n-tastic.  In one swoop you undercut the terrific batman fight sequences, degraded your super human team up,  eliminated the chance of a proper Death of Superman story and created more unease in you fan base.  But why the hell not… give it a third big swing…

Suicide Squad (2016)$745.6M Box Office26% on Rotten Tomatoes

Suicide-Squad-Poster-Art-Title.jpg

Does anyone else feel like they wanted to capture that Guardians of the Galaxy magic?  A band of unknown randoms team up and save the world? No, just me? Fine… at very least you have to agree that the tone and direction of this movie feels like it changed MID-MARKETING!  I mean, compare the poster about with an earlier one.

ss

Totally different vibe.  Muted colors mid way through promotions (and around the time they announce vast re-shoots) gave way to crazy graphic color pop.  Many suspect that this was in response to thoughts that Batman v Superman was too dark and serious.  *sigh* If you are giving us a gritty universe, that’s fine… just make everything in it make SENSE! It’s almost as if you are not aware of the character you have and just throw them on the screen because you need bodies.

Jared Leto, attempting to follow the superb performance of the late Heath Ledger, acted a full fool to get into the psyche of his version of the Joker.  Months of being extremely unpleasant… for like 10 mins of screen time! Will Smith’s Deadshot was very Will Smith-ian and also was just a guy with guns.  No real persistent DEADSHOT style shooting.  Captain Boomerang threw like 3 boomerangs… ugh!  And the person with a sword that steals souls stole exactly 0 souls.  How do you studio people sleep at night?!  I hope it’s at an awkward angle, on a bed of snakes, because you don’t deserve any better!

Does the future look any brighter?

(cont part 3)

Advertisements